Drowning Lessons
by Rosalie Beckett
Summary: Hermione realizes she wasn't in a loveless marriage after all in the worst way.


_This little one-shot that came to me one night is not DH Epilogue compliant. So those of you who loved Hermione and Ron having a cute family where everything is merry- this is not for you. For those of you who wanted something different, enjoy! The song "Drowning Lessons" is by the ever wonderful My Chemical Romance. _

**A kiss goodbye, your twisted shell as rice grains and roses fall at your feet.**

It was Easter.

There was no joy in the air, no more talk of Easter eggs. No smiles- those had been abandoned once the doors had slammed shut.

His tears stained the glass as she drove home from dinner at her parents'. The baby sat snoring soundly in the back seat, clutching a warm blanket that "Granmummy Weasley" had made, embroidering Aubrey on it in bright cursive purple letters. If only she knew what brought her daddy to tears and her mummy to the breaking point.

Hermione looked over at her husband, biting back a sigh. She couldn't even stand to look at him anymore. Aubrey was virtually the only thing keeping her there. Wasn't it usually the man who didn't want to be tied down young? Wasn't it usually the man who thought about betraying and destroying everything they had built? She was twenty years old with an almost two year old baby and a husband who acted as one. Where had her life gone?

The dinner went off without a hitch, as she had planned. Her parents suspected nothing, like everyone else in their lives. Ron was, fortunately, too proud to say anything to Harry or his family. It saved her hours of having to explain it to people who would never understand anyway, when she hardly understood it herself.

She briefly wondered when their honeymoon ended and normalcy set in. The little things that had once been endearing were now utterly annoying and tiresome. They were an old married couple. But she was _twenty_ for Gods-sake and already she couldn't stand anything about him.

The way he took each breath made her want to scream. The way he ran his hand through his hair when he didn't know how to convince her to let him come back to bed at night made her want to pack up and leave. The way he drowned his troubles in firewhisky like a coward made her want to strangle him. There wasn't anything he could do to make up to her the life he had stolen.

She listened to his quiet sobs and rolled her eyes. Another to the list. How easily he gave in to his emotions when they were in private- as if she would comfort him in some way. She couldn't even bring herself to cry anymore, so why, in Merlin's name, would she feel any compassion for him? Where had he been when she had succumbed to post-partum depression after Aubrey had been born? Where had he been all the countless times she had needed him?

But, then, why had she married him in the first place? Fresh out of Hogwarts, eager and ready to start a new, wonderful life, she could have found someone else to make her happy. There was no doubt in her mind as she knelt on the pew that Ronald was not the man for her, yet it seemed like the _right_ thing to do at the time. The right thing to do for Ron, for Mrs. Weasley. But not for her. She never really knew when she ever did anything for herself.

"What can I do?" Ron whispered, trying to clear his throat as quietly as possible. Having constant ear infections, Aubrey was almost always in pain and crying, so when she was asleep it was pure Heaven, and they tried to be as discreet as possible.

"I don't know." How many times had they already had this conversation?

"But you know I'll do anything. Don't do this to me."

"Just stop it, Ronald." She said, pulling into the driveway. Hermione got out of the car and picked up Aubrey gently; cradling the baby in her arms as Ron unlocked the door to the place she once called their home.

It was large and white, with blue shutters: her childhood dream home. What she once called home.

Ron took Aubrey from her arms and trudged up the stairs to put her to bed. She watched until she lost sight of both thick heads of red hair before drawing in a large breath of air. He would come back down those same stairs soon enough and start a whole new fight about how neglectful she was of their relationship.

She remembered all the nights when he thought she was asleep and he stared at bottles of pills as if they were a way out. She wondered why he hadn't just done it already if she made him that miserable, or why she hadn't done it herself, if he made her that miserable?

Aubrey.

That beautiful blue eyed baby kept her parents from death and she didn't even know it. They had survived a war, so they would have to be strong enough to make it through a marriage.

He made his way slowly down the stairs, watching her brow furrow in thought. Hermione and Aubrey were everything to him, but he didn't know what he had to do to keep them anymore. What did his father and his brothers have as husbands that he lacked?

Ron wrapped his arms around Hermione, ignoring her silent protests, and thriving off of her quiet sighs. She involuntarily shivered as he kissed up and down her neck, trying to get some sort of reaction out of her- and it was working. "Ron, stop."

"So now I'm not even allowed to kiss my own wife?" he growled, walking over to the liquor cabinet and grabbing a flask.

"You know that's not the point. You act like you weren't hysterical in the car earlier." Hermione sank onto the long couch and put her head in her hands.

"Now you're questioning my manhood. If you would get off the rag once and while and show me some real love maybe I wouldn't be so miserable all the time."

Her long, pale fingers collided with his face swiftly, before he had even seen it coming. "If you think you're even going to be staying in this house tonight you're sadly mistaken."

He grabbed her chin in his hand. "Don't do this."

"_Get out_."

Ron pushed her away, storming to the closet. He pulled on his warmest jacket and grabbed his keys before stealing one last glance at his wife.

She heard the door slam. This would be just like any other night she kicked him out of the house. He would come back in the morning with flowers, and they would pretend that nothing happened.

Hermione climbed into her cold bed and against her will, dreamt of Ron and the life she wished they had.

-----

"Mummy! Mummy!" Her little girl was shaking her, but she didn't want to get up yet.

"Yes, baby?" she mumbled, peeking her eyes open at her daughter.

"'Arry!" Aubrey responded happily

Harry. "Uncle Harry's here?"

She nodded and bounded back down to wherever he was. Why would Harry be there on a Monday morning?

Hermione slowly got out of bed and made her way out to the hallway that lead to the stairs. Harry and Ginny were standing in the foyer waiting for her. Something wasn't right.

"Where's Ron?" she said as calmly as she could, chewing on the inside of her cheek.

"Hermione, there was an accident-"

"Where the hell is my husband?" Hermione's lips began to tremble.

"Take Aubrey. Go home, Ginny." Harry said to her, and with a pop they were gone.

"Harry, what happened to Ron?" Tears. They hadn't come in months. They felt foreign.

"He crashed. He'd been drinking." Big surprise.

"What do I do now?" Her best friend fell next to her on the stairs.

"I'm so sorry, Hermione." Harry held her as she shook and tried to control her screams.

The man that she had resented turned suddenly into the man that she didn't want to live without. She had taken her husband for granted, and everything he had given her. Now she was alone. More alone than she had ever felt before with him there. The pain was unbearable. She was dead without her other half.

It was her fault that Aubrey's daddy was dead and she would have to live with that. How would she tell her two year old that her daddy wasn't coming back? How would she tell her little girl that she did that to him?

She wouldn't.

**We'll laugh as we die and we'll celebrate the end of things with cheap champagne.**


End file.
